Monday, December 3, 2012

Top 10 Terrible Christmas Gifts for 2012

Tis the season!

Here it is, Christmas shopping season 2012. From Black Friday sales, to annoying commercials, we are bombarded with the season of materialism. Personally, I don't jump on the band wagon and fight lines of people for supposed "great deals". I find that so many times people buy items just to be buying them, whether they are a good gift or not. Likely, many don't know what to buy for Uncle Jim the family alcoholic or Cousin Suzy the pet lover. Sometimes, idiocy strikes us and we purchase crap because it catches our eyes. What ever the reason, there is a market out there willing to feed our stupidity. I thought I'd showcase ten gifts that I find not only silly, but a waste of money.

10. Store bought fruit cake: This is a classic no-no. Everyone knows this stuff is whack. Years ago, my mother made a fruit cake and for three weeks she sprinkled brandy on that bad boy with love. That thing was wicked. So, made with love and alcohol, yes. Store bought, no.

9. Boyfriend Pillow: Out of all the stupid crap I've seen to waste money on, this thing takes the store bought fruit cake!

8. Beer Belt: If you think your mate needs an easy way to carry his beer, you thought wrong, and I'll tell you why. First off, how hot do you reckon the last beer in this belt would be by the time he gets to drinking it? Secondly, he will look like a douche bag while walking around. Just saying.

7. Bumper Dumper: Seriously? I'm not sure when this would come in handy, but I'd really like to know where in the hell someone would use this. I've seen the ads, use it while camping, blah, blah. Being a country girl, I could whiz and be back to camp before someone could install this. I also can't imagine how goofy a person would look using this thing.

6. McDonald's Gift Card: Nothing says I love you, man like giving them a gift card to McDonald's. "Here, first heart attacks on me!"

5. Bunny Outfit: Poor Ralphie! A Christmas Story is my all-time favorite holiday movie. This just goes to show a bad present can almost ruin your day....well unless you get that BB gun you've been wanting!

4. Chia Pet: Nothing against Obama, but don't give a Chia Pet anything to anyone! Gah, now I have that damn jingle stuck in my head. Ch-ch-ch-chia!

3. Cum Clean Cock Wash: Okay, so it's funny, but seriously...don't buy for your significant other. Do buy and take as a Dirty Santa gift though!

2. Bacon Lube: Everyone should know that cherry is the most popular flavor for lubricants. And who wants to smell and taste bacon during intimate moments?

My number 1, don't buy this gift for Christmas is.......Drum roll, please.

1. The Pet Petter: Okay, lazy bastard roll call! Why would a person have a pet if they weren't willing to give it attention. This box claims, "Never touch your pets again!" What? Why? I think this tops my all-time stupid invention list, and a goofy waste of money item.  I'm amazed at how people can dream up such nonsense. If you have a pet, be responsible.

That's it folks, my Top 10 list of Terrible Christmas gifts. Do any of you have anything to add?

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